Lightning
I’m aimless. Without direction, yet following a path. Let’s try to fence off my trajectory.
I love you. That much is clear. At least that much has never changed. But what has? I’m hesitant to leap, ‘cause I’m lacking in certainty. I don’t know what I’ll find on the other side.
Darkness collapses into me from all sides. Impenetrable, at first sight. Yet I keep trying. I’m in the dark, but maybe I can make some light out of this situation.
What do you want? You want me, alone, by myself, independent, dependable, yours. Do you? I’m unsure. I’m not sure of anything.
We are drawn to each other. We want each other. In different ways. In various ways. You and me. Different. Varying. The same path.
We are meant to collide. We said so countless times in countless texts. We used to pass each other poetry, from one phone to the other. From my keyboard to yours. From fingers to fingers. And then we stopped.
We devised our own language, a sign language, symbols. We codified our texts. They were impenetrable. Unless to you and me. V c x Il
You asked me to keep you company, and I said no. You turned away. We denied the other our company.
And now we are here. Again. Alone. But wanting. Alone. But with people. Alone.
Our greatest fear is to be lonely. God, are we lonely. We are so utterly alone.
We thrive in it. We perpetuate our loneliness. We want nothing more than to suffer in solitude. But witness us, we scream. Witness us, we beg. Witness me and you and plead.
We are electricity. Two fuses running too hot, until we blow. We are doomed for disaster. We are disaster. You are the best I ever had.
I want to be with you. You don’t want me
suffering. You leave me behind. You feel left behind. We are alone.
I’m not alone. I have love. I should be happy. Why can I only think of you?
